“Spare the rod, spoil the child.” – ???
This is yet another Scripture that isn’t really a Scripture—people just think it is. In reality, there is a Scripture that’s closely associated with Proverbs 13:24. It reads
He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Prov. 13:24 KJV
Common (Mis)usage:
The saying “spare the rod, spoil the child” is a common refrain to suggest failure to discipline children results in unintended consequences—most notably, the child being spoiled. Based on experience with children, it does seem to be a general truth that a failure to discipline a child will result in a sense of entitlement and rotten behavior for a child. So, what’s the problem? It’s not Scripture! Unfortunately, many express it as though it’s in the Bible. Proverbs 13:24 above is the closest thing to it, however.
Basic Context & Meaning:
The “rod” in the Old Testament figuratively references authority, a sceptre, or a staff for walking. Based on context, the usage in both the common saying and Prov. 13:24 is a reference to authority.
Additionally, the Proverb has a standard construction. There’s an indicative statement, “He that spareth his rod hate to his son” and a contrasting behavior, “he that loveth him casteneth him betimes.”
The word translated “betimes” in the KJV is an interesting translation, and I’m not sure why the translators of the KJV chose it. “Betimes” denotes “in a good season or time” (Noah Webster 1828 Dictionary), while the underlying Hebrew word gloss definition means “to seek early or earnestly.” Regardless of which English wording is the most accurate translation of the original, the message is clear that it’s loving to discipline one’s child at an appropriate time.
Thus, the meaning of the Scripture is close to the common (mis)saying. The difference, however, is that the focus isn’t on the child’s resulting behavior (i.e., “spoil the child.”) but instead a reflection of the parental attitude based on their commitment to disciplined child rearing.
Suggested Usage/Application:
Parents should exercise discipline in raising their children. Doing so is loving while failing to do so reflects a lack of love. This is not limited to physical forms of discipline either, but it certainly does not exclude it. A parent who caves to their child’s frequent, whimsical, and immature demands doesn’t reflect loving parenting but a pseudo-love that’s short-sighted and doesn’t ultimately help the child.
This is not a license to become a spank happy, super-severe parent who defaults to physical discipline at every waking turn. A parent must be balanced in their approach since Prov. 13:24 is not a promise and other passages encourage tender, wise approaches to discipline (cf. Eph. 6:4; Heb. 12:5-11). In this way, children receive both loving discipline, which doesn’t always feel good, and tender correction.
The word translated “betimes” in the KJV is an interesting translation, and I’m not sure why the translators of the KJV chose it. “Betimes” denotes “in a good season or time” (Noah Webster 1828 Dictionary), while the underlying Hebrew word gloss definition means “to seek early or earnestly.” Regardless of which English wording is the most accurate translation of the original, the message is clear that it’s loving to discipline one’s child at an appropriate time.